My God,
I am dry. Thirst weakens the body; memory dims at the struggle for life; eyes grow heavy at the beating of the exhausting sun; hands cannot grasp life as the forsaking power of death steals my grip. I stagger through a weary land, a land abandoned of compassion, a land of deceiving promises; fervent fiery winds hasten my desperation; the rivers once flowing and deep are now desolate and bare, there is no shade, no tree, no green living thing; all have melted; all have sunken deep into the sands of my fraudulence.
Living water, revive my soul that I may return to your merciful land of bounty, into the care of your gracious hand. Grant life into my death through the breath of your moving spirit. In the deserts of self I have wandered long and aimlessly in search of pleasures so futile; only loneliness accompanies my way for I seek my own rather than the kingdom of Christ. In contemptuous pride I have mocked the wisdom of your Word; words that free from the bondage of my own arrogant heart. In the pursuit of endless pleasure, in excesses beyond the will of your loving hand, I have found the vanity of my way; death’s strength steals my care, pillaging my affections for the unbounded justice of Christ’s life-giving sacrifice. I fear my impoverished heart’s beating grows faint at my stumbling; strength, once proud, flees at the consuming heat of the raging mid-day sun. Day upon day, step upon step drains the vigor of a soul once lively, once shroud in the passions of the service of a gentle savior. So lovely is the splendor of his majesty I can only shrivel in shame at the thought of his approaching my discontented way. How have I come so far from the infinite well of living water, from pure springs of heavenly rivers? My mind cannot rest. Thoughts of my dishonor, unthankfulness, and pride contrive; they heavy my already burdened heart; it sinks in sorrow.
Christ you are my way, my truth, my life - you bring our hearts into close communion by your ever-drawing Spirit of Love. Beckon your Spirit to enliven the dying posture of my soul, bring me back to life at your side. I cannot return to you, I have lost my way in the devotion of my self-passion. Restore the life of love that I may partake in your divinity; that I may return to the life of the heavenlies; that I may rejoice in the life of my being; that I may gratefully walk in the land of your daily renewed mercies. Renew the pleasures of everlasting contentment found by your side, for it is only by the wounded side of Christ I find refuge from those devices of my own wicked ways, from the ways of the Deceiver, and from those who would not soon enough see my destruction. Christ, my God, my Holiness - in my foolishness, in my hatred of all righteousness, in my freedom I have chosen the path of broad and narrow, a path of leisure, a path of self; I wandered until you, by your grace, turned my wandering heart to the your rest.