Skip to main content


Where did I get my ideas about love from? What is love? Is it a feeling? Is love an action? Is love perfect? Do you "fall in love" or does it "find its way to you?" Will I never have doubts about a lifelong love? If I love a person will I always have intense feelings of passion for that person? Should love be based upon commitment or based upon affection? Why do people say "when you know, you know." What do they mean by that? What is it that they know? Is it just so obvious that you will know with complete certainty, the type of certainty that you get in lab tests? Surely love doesn't come softly, at least it hasn't in my case. Why is love so hard?

I care significantly for a girl. I cared so much for her that I broke up with her. Ya, exactly. I don't understand either. I doesn't seem to make sense, any sense at all. I found a girl who loves deeply, I found girl who demonstrates significant selflessness and loyalty. I found a girl who likes the idea of devoting life to healthy passionate loving. But I let it go. I had a feeling that maybe I didn't like her as much as she liked me. I didn't know if she was "the-girl-I-have-always-dreamed-of." I panicked. But what type of thinking is this but complete nonsense? What is "the-girl-I-have-always-dreamed-of" but a projection of fairy tales and love stories into real life! Why do I think I am worthy of any love of a woman at all? Why do I think I deserve perfection? Perfection will not come. The Fray - "All At Once".

I have never been more confused in my life. I have never felt this pain before. I have never felt this much discomfort until now. My mind has frozen on one thing, and I can't move! I guess its in this pain that we come to grips with reality, with ourselves, and with the world at hand. Sometimes I wonder if I have not gone mad with love. Why have I been plagued with such a confusing and double-minded heart?

Popular posts from this blog

You and Whose Army?

America elects a pro-choice candidate and suddenly my fellow Christian brothers and sisters head for the hills screaming the world has come to an end. Are not abortion rates much higher in several other countries? Why aren't we just as concerned about "life" in those countries? America elects an economically progressive candidate and people are screaming "socialism" preparing for a Rapture. (An mid-1800's invention of conservative Christian theology). Doesn't America know that Democracy is one of the youngest political philosophies to be employed? Why do we think the fate of the world depends on the success of our economical and political philosophies? America is struggling economically, and Jesus is now coming back to rescue his 2000 year old church from this difficult tribulation. Doesn't America remember that its only 232 years old? Why does God's blessing equate with monetary blessing? Why do American Christians constantly tie the end of the ...
Read more

Where I've Been

visited 30 states (60%) Create your own visited map of The United States or try another Douwe Osinga project visited 6 states (2.66%) Create your own visited map of The World or try another Douwe Osinga project
Read more
having a passion for life. when i was in college "passion" was one of those words that caused red flags to go up in my head. i guess its because as a teenager i went to an extremely conservative church and we were expected (if of course we were to be spiritual) to have moving experiences of the spirit, and then we would arise to the spiritual status of being "on fire" for the Lord. to this day im still not sure what it means to be "on fire" (dispensationalists, we are really allegoricists when it comes to your own talking!!). the best example of this is summer camp. we would go away to camp for a week or so. it was like clockwork, about the 3rd night or so the singing would last a bit longer and then the invitations would be longer, until the end of the week on the last night or the last two nights we would have "revival." kids would get saved (again), others would get all emotional and cry and get things "right" in their lives. we woul...
Read more