Artifacts of a Life Once Lived

When I wonder upon that which you see, I am infinitely envious. For to be glorified in everlasting communion with our God is a sublime vision full of beauty far greater than the genuine delicateness of your kind and gentle heart. May God grant us peace and rest in your brief absence from us on this earth. Until that day of reunion, you will be missed, my friend.

I had a conversation with my roommate over the past couple days. Unlike most conversations this one began and ended with perplexity. The conversation was real. It was not a casual conversation. It was not an "typical" conversation. It was heavy, it was felt, it was full. Most conversations are light or safe or headlines or unrevealing, but this conversation was different. There was a resonating of hearts, there was a felt soulishness, there was a deep-sense of bond. I think the conversation started by the rehashing of what it was to be a follower of Jesus Christ in Dallas, TX. He said something to the degree of, "I don't know if I'm a Christian." He went on to ask what it meant for a person to "believe" in Jesus. Ya, sure, we know what it means to believe something, but really, what does it mean? How do I believe in Jesus? Ya, sure, we know the Sunday School answers. Both of us were raised in church, both of us went to colleges and earned degrees i...

God make me see the world that is greater than the "ME". Somewhere inside I sense a desire to be meaningful, but meaning comes not from my being and doing, but rather I must receive it from you, for what do I have that I have not received? Show me my short-sighted inward self-turning. Point me in the way of love that breaks my lack of care for my fellow man and my only God. Make me an image of your Son as I remain in you so that I may experience life cultivated in your Vine. Rekindle a broad and long devotion by your grace to give of myself for the love of your Son and to the extending of myself to your loved ones. Let me love and be found to love and let me express my love, what little I may have. Amen.

Acedia - apathy; boredome, or torpor - the absence of care. Struggling with a "sadness, the disgust with life, which comes from a much deeper source - our inability to get along with ourselves, our disunion with God." "O sorrow and shame... I have done nothing." "As we grow ever more sluggish, negligent, and careless, we come to a 'dull coldness that freezes the heart.'" "spiritual 'dryness' and 'impasse' that share with acedia such symptoms as the absence of devotion, a feeling of being abandoned by God, depression, inner bitterness, and coldness." call it what it is, the "noon day demon."

Some time a while back I wrote a letter to a "friend" who lost his faith in the God of American Evangelical Christianity, specifically the ideas proposed by Conservative Middle Class Suburban churches and schools. I found the man's main reason somewhat legitimate given his intense struggle with pain (i.e. on-set blindness and other various semi-catastrophic experiences) in his life. His other reasons were less than convincing since he was unable to see past the arrogance of his scientific philosophical foundations and its necessity of empirical proof to legitimize God's existence. Not to mention his uniformed understandings of how one's philosophical foundations affect the way he reads his bible. In this case, he could not reconcile a literal reading of Genesis with "objective" science. Other theological questions still haunted him. And, today I came across another story of "de-conversion." I am quite fascinated by stories like that previous o...

What is my responsibility in the mortgage crisis? Let me explain... in case you have not heard, the financial sector, namely, the real estate/mortgage industry is walking on the proverbially "dangerous ground." With billions of dollars in mortgages backed by people with little to no credit or ability to pay their creditors, the skyscrapers of elusive wealth seem to be disappearing in the fog. The main reason for this is simply good old fashion "greed." People hoping to get rich quick sold loans to people who couldn't afford them. Some did get rich. Some got really, really, really rich. Indeed there are two parties to blame here. Yes, the ones who sold their souls to the green grass on the other side of the Jones' fence are just as guilty as the ones whose eyes twinkled green when they saw the opportunity to pounce and the Jones' discontented neighbors. The business is not good. Projections are being made that we may begin to recoup in late 2009. Nonethel...

"...among a billion other wrestlings with God, all are at times and in their own way unbearable. I feel like we are both, or at least I am, in this transition from the euphoria of being done with seminary to the mundane and daily grind of the real world. I'm glad that you are finding some sense of solace in the Psalms. For me, I'm trying to learn to pray again..." (a portion of an email to myself from a fellow)

Since everyone is asking... And I mean everyone. My current life goals are as follows: 1. I wish to continue my education. I do not believe I am done with school. I have a desire and a passion to continue learning and developing my person to the fullest capacity. I believe it to be a lifelong process. Whether formal or informal, it doesn't matter. Though I struggle with the idea of constantly learning and never giving back. Sponges only take so much water before they must be squeezed. Obviously, I don't have to be formally "in" school to learn, and it is very possible to teach and continue learning. 2. I wish to be involved in ministering to Christ's church. There are two ways in which I see this happening. First, I am very open to the Pastoral Ministry, though where and when I do not know. (...) Second, I am also very passionate about the education of the Church. I could see myself working toward a role in Educational Leadership in the Christian community though ...

My friend and fellow recovering ex-fundamentalist , I greet you joyously knowing the freedom you have found in leaving fundamentalism, however I am saddened by your departure as a whole from our Lord. I indeed understand the hardship which you have faced is cause for questioning God’s existence, faithfulness, and love to his creation. I would like to respond to you because I feel like I understand your socio-religious background. Let me first tell you my goal is not to re-convert you, but rather to give you a second thought from one who grew up in similar roots, whose posture of faith remains bent toward the gospel. I also grew up in ultra-conservative fundamentalism. If names like Peter Ruckman, Jack Hyles, Arlin Horton, etc, mean anything to you than you will understand. I graduated from PCC. OMG. I cannot believe it, but it’s true. What a crazy place. Fear, guilt, shame, legalism were the name of the game! As long as you “caught the spirit” all of life would be good and God would b...

The Father of Liberal Theology began a revolution. Not a revolution by way of activism or violence, but a revolution nonetheless. The revolutionary address: On Religion: Speeches to its Cultured Despisers Schleiermacher's goal was to make Christianity relevant, contemporary, and practical to the 19th century modern, enlightened, rational mind. The preservation of Christianity required re-imagination or re-conceiving. Any Christianity that is essentially cognitive, theological, doctrinal, or creedal must be rejected. If the creed gets in the way, bury the creed. The essence of Christianity is feeling or the conscious realization of relationship with "god." Does this at all sound familiar? American Conservative Evangelicalism seems to be essentially Schleiermachian. How ironic? But I really can't point fingers. I want people to like me too.

There’s work to be done ‘round here, boy. There’s work to be done. Go, boy, get on. There’s always business to be done.   Gather your things; pack up your lunch and put one your pants. Got a job to do - no use hangin’ ‘round, nothin’ doin’. Get on, too much to do to be standin’ ‘round.   We got other customers to please, orders to fill - Weather’s gonna be bad if they isn’t filled, if the bosses ain’t happy. Watch then, somebody else’s gonna get off with all the money.   So, go on, boy, pick up your sack, put on your shoes, See, we’ve got a job to do, we got people countin’ on you. Say, don’t you know money makes the world go ‘round?   See boy, we really care ‘bout you. Can you work extra today? See, we think you’re real important. Gonna give you a raise! Say, how ‘bout a penny a day – will that do t...

I came across this listing on the DTS job board and it caught my eye. As many of you know I am looking for what's next. I don't know but this is something I would definitely be interested in, if they accept me. It's called Teach for America . Part of the application process is a letter of intent (which I have written just now). It's a little insight into something that is very important to me, namely, social justice and responsibility (though I ain't the perfect citizen). There were two questions limited to 500 words total. Question 1: Why do you seek to join Teach For America? I have been given a moral and social responsibility as a Christian to be a “giver” rather than a “taker.” Christ calls his followers to be faithful in all of life, and give of themselves without regard to for status. Christ had a special view to the “poor and least” and especially children, and I hope to mimic his lead. My intent is born from a compulsion to give in manner that provides hope...

I am tempted every day by the passing affections of this

A friend facebooked me. She asked: "Why did you go to seminary?" My Response: Why did I go to Seminary? Well... Good question. Very, very good question. As with most life choices (especially major decisions) there are several reasons behind the decisions we make, no matter if a positive or negative decision is reached. After asking appropriate questions, we view the options. We count them, we weigh them, we evaluate them. We pray. We seek advice. We seek second opinions. We listen. Then when all is said and done the life-chooser makes life-choices by the grace of God. I will begin with my college experience. I went to college with the belief that I was "called" to be a Pastor. I had some experience back a few years ago where I felt a burning in the bosom and felt impressed to pursue Christian ministry. Whether or not that is legitimate "calling" is irrelevant at this point because I am where I am by God's grace and His leading and I would not change it...

A Seraphic dwells in realms on high, Walking about with radiant eye. Through and through my mind – sweeping. Upon heavenly hallowed ground – creeping.   None ought beguile this celestial power – Whose fury like raven’s claw or lion’s cower Crouches in brow and furrow – Lest he wake unsuspectingly to light of no-tomorrow.  

A little insight: The original purpose of this blog was entirely personal. Its intent, scope, view, aim, and existence was for my purposes and my purposes alone. I saw it as a way to sort of journal and not have to worry about an actual journal. Plus, I type much faster than I can write. I guess over the past year or so I have been caught up in blogging about things that interest me, books I've read, thoughts I couldn't keep inside, etc. I kind of regret that I have made this public to the degree that it has become... I will not flatter myself, there might be (heavy on the "might") 5 subscribers or so, but still, I never knew one could "subscribe" when I first signed up with blogspot. Not to mention the fact that people link my blog in their posts so others who read them have instant access to me. I can only say, "Oh, well." I think I am going to continue to blog about "personal" things here, not because I want people to feel sorry, or be...