stages, they are important, in plays, shows, concerts, and in life. so i have been trying to evaluate my life stage to see if there is any correlation between the way i view life and the way i live life. quite frankly my view of life is cumbersome. at my stage life seems difficult, a burden, i feel pressure to conform to a society which says if i conform i will be successful, but in the end they just want my money. im tired already. i have little energy to live life. how unfortunate you may say, especially since you are a "Christian" because "Christs yoke is easy," ... right... compared to what? there is nothing easy about taking on a worldview and way of life that is completely opposite to that which my nature feels and desires. any way, my life stage... right, where from here? as i sit here and type seemingly meaningless signs which turn into words and ultimately sentences which somehow give meaning to coherent phrases and statements i wonder, what am i? what is my purpose? surely i was not born to mindlessly feed the machine of productivity and progress. was i? was i born to fit into a numb corporation and help the rich get richer? is that what i was created for? my life stage is that i dont want to conform to the American way of Life needless to say the economic materialistic way of life found mostly in western culture. i dont want to live to drive a BMW and live in a 500,000 home with an 8% interest rate. we are choking and gagging ourselves! ok, the scenario is, Jim across the street drives a mazeratti, dan around the corner drives a bentley,... why? why is value and worth found in machines? why do structures and concrete matter more that the human soul? why dont we spend our money making ourselves well?? rather we destroy ourselves by committing to endless payments with endless interest rates. the sales man says "oh its only $300/month for 4 years." every one else is doing this, so surely this is how I must live. right? i must continue to perpetuate and endless cycle of buying and getting so i can be worth something to dan around the corner with whom i have no relationship other than our property borders each others.! this is sick, i buy to impress people dont even now, nor do i even really care to know, but somehow i am bewitched or brainwashed to believe that if i am to fit in my society i must take on endless payments for worthless stuff... ahhhh... why dont we think about this? i am accusing no one, because i am just as guilty as steve on the otherside of the street. gosh, its so retarded and yet this is how life is lived by millions if not billions of people. life stage. this life stage is dragging me in to corporate america, where everyone is welcome as long as they sign on the dotted line and forget to read the fine print. so not only is this way of life stupid, but i feel stupid if i dont follow this way of life, but not only do i feel stupid but i am stupid because i have bought into the idea!! i love that Coldplay song about money... "such a rush, such a fuss to do nothing at all, such a rush, such a rush to get no where at all, such a fuss to do nothing at all, such a rush... and its just like you said, its just like you said, so slow down please, just slow down, so slow down please. far too many people looking for their money, every body's out there trying to get money..." thats my life. money. i think more about money that i think about god. i spend more time worrying about money than i do praying. i do more things to get money than any thing else. why? obviously i have to make my rent payment and put food in my mouth and buy gasoline so i can do it all over again, but none the less, life would be much more simple and enjoyable if i did not worry so much about money. but i can stop. i have to buy an iPod, then speakers for the iPod, then songs to put on the iPod, then a charger for the iPod, then a protector for the iPod, then an FM transmittor for the iPod, then i need to headphones for the iPod, and best of all i have to buy a computer just to use the stupid iPod. gosh, i was sold a big slap in the butt. and the list could go on, there is not end to the iPod accessories! what the crap... why do we let these things control us? life stage- money. now that i have thought through this how can i change??? how can i simplify my life? what things do i need and what do i not need? its not that i need to change how i spend my money, i need to completely reassess my view of money. money needs to be the controlled not the controller. money needs to be the commodity not the comptroller. money is paper, money is metal, paper burns and metal melts, so why is it so usefull? who decided that green paper would be valuable? life is burdensome because i have let money control the way i live. money is a slave driver... greed is the sickness and i have the sickness!! Greed and materialism are not my friends... life is hard when money is the issue. life is difficult when i spend all my time to get more money so i can spend more money so i can work more to get even more money to spend even more!!! do i need a $30,000 car? do i need polo and abercrombie? do i need any of that stuff? am i to prideful to drive in a $10,000 car or wear jordache? i think deep down inside i would feel less of a person for that, but that is so stupid! i cant fathom the depths of my stupidity. life stage- get over money! i think i should care more about my friends that the money that i make. i should love my family more than my checking account. i should spend more time with needy people than my bank account! i should give more and buy less. i should see the stupidity for what it is... its an evil ploy by the corporations to get our money. they want my money more than any body, so they have declared it necessary for me to buy their retarded antics in order for me to feel good about myself, and after all, isnt that what life is about? feeling good? what a joke!
I was sitting in a coffee shop on Sunday, and a young lady sat next to me on the sofa. The place was packed and that was the only other seat open. She asked if she could sit and I smiled and nodded. I continued my business, trying to give the impression that it was no big deal that this cute girl just sat next to me. It wasn't a big deal, after all it happens every day. Right... Though it appeared to be the case, that was not the case. For about an hour or so I could not focus on what I was doing. I was constantly thinking about what I will say in order to strike up a conversation, find out her "status", and make a decision whether to ask her out or not. So I sat nervously thinking about what to say. It wasn't that hard, because she was feverishly grading what appeared to be homework, as if she was a teacher. So at a natural transition in my business I asked, "Are you a teacher?" That was that. She was kind and responded as if not to be bothered by my questi