today in class my prof. put up on the projector a ppt. slide containing several words, most of which were tension words, words involving intense emotional, psychological, and mental processes, such words as 'broken', 'despair', 'weak', etc. and we were asked to pick a word with which we identified most. quite honestly none of the words really spoke to my personal paradigm perfectly, so i thought, what word would identify most with me, so i pondered, and finally it appeared, 'scattered'. scattered is the state of my brain. my mind has so much to deal with i cannot even begin to sort priorities versus non-priority needless to mention any other event which might find importance. i have so many thoughts each day, thoughts which require my attention, thoughts that will change the way i live, thoughts that, if i write down, might be worth something some day. nonetheless, the purpose of my prof. was to show that when learning is done in tension there is necessarily heavier learning and retention, in essence work is accomplished. well, i appreciated his point, but i got to thinking that this word, scattered is the opposite of my character. see, i hate disorder, i despise clutter, i keep a clean room, atleast i try to keep my part clean. on my outside i am clean, orderly, but on the inside i have no idea, my mind is in constant sway, constant dissaray, and i dont know why. i feel i have the weight of the world upon me, i feel that perfection is required in my person, if feel that if i do not accomplish great things my life will be a failure, these all lend to the scatteredness of my soul. i want to be broken and put back together, i want to be spilled out and gathered up again in hopes that this will provide some mental stability. i dont know where to begin, where to start putting the scattered pieces into cohesion, im so busy i cant stop and smell the roses. life is not enjoyable in a state of scatteredness. where do i begin to assess my problem, who can i compare this to, who has gone through this very thing or something similar? how can i stop?
READ THIS POST FIRST MY MOTHER : "I'm a registered Conservative, but my vote counted since they endorsed McCain, so I guess it all depends on who the Libertarian's endorse, and even if it were someone difference, at least you would have had a part in voting for the "most" righteous candidate, and McCain was the one even though he's still not the Christian ideal! Remember, Bill Clinton was a "pro-choice" candidate as well as one who furthered the homosexual agenda, so it wasn't surprising to me that 9/11 happened after his term was up and it's not surprising that the economy is faltering so badly now, and it won't surprise me if Obama continues the downward spiral, even if it is into socialistic policies since that's how Europe has gone since they left off looking to God. It doesn't matter what the rest of the world is doing since the majority have been anti-God for so long and their nations have paid for that for centuries (Dark...