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i asked out a girl this weekend for the first time in my whole life. it was pretty amazing. the rush i felt was intense, my heart pounding, my breath short, my throat scratchy, but it all worked out. she said ok! she said she would go with me sometime. i say this is the first girl i have ever asked out for real because all of the other girls i have gone on dates with have been part of the initiation process. even the one girl that i dated, i didnt even ask out on my own initiative, my roomate basically did all the work for me. im so lame, i know, but i just cant ask girls out. i dont know why, i think im afraid of them, especially the pretty ones. either way, this time i asked her out and i am so excited. just thinking about the experience causes my nerves to shake. not thinking about the coming date, but thinking about the asking-event. i am so happy for myself. in all actuality though, this is pretty sad. im 25. what is it about girls that makes me weak?

i dont know what it is. i wish i could put my finger on it. i suppose it could be the rejection part, but honestly i need to feel rejection for life to be full. i guess it could be my pride, i feel like it should just work out. the girl should say wow, he is amazing, and then it should just fall into place. ive come to realize that really there is nothing about me that should cause a girl to be attracted to me. my boyish face, im tall, almost to tall, im not muscular, and i have a hairy body. i dont have lots of money and i dont drive a fancy car, my personality is kind of lame, i have a hard time making conversation with aquantences and the like, i just dont know what to say. im not ecentric, and im not calm-cool-and-collected as most studly men are. so i have had to face the issue that girls are not going to fall at my feet begging me to date them. i have nothing to offer, except my life long devotion which i believe will make them the most happy in the end.

well, im really excited about this date. i have known her for all of one week now, i asked her out like the second day after meeting her. i dont know what it was about her that caused me to fall for her. honestly i was really hoping to ask out this other girl here at seminary, she is pretty cool, and then there is this other girl, she is one of my friends friends, but she lives in TN. i asked her for her phone number a couple weeks ago, she just gave me her number today. i dont know if i should call her. now, i really am interested in the other girls, the one is pretty popular here at seminary among the eligible batchleors. from what i understand like 8 million guys like her, so i really dont want to be another in line. the other girl, like i said, lives in TN, and i dont know if i am really that attracted to her. she is pretty, but i think that she places a lot of value in good looks and i would dissapoint her expectations. now new girl is beautiful, and her personality, the little i know is pretty cool. honestly i dont know what it is about her, but i really am interested to find out more.

i dont know where i will take her as of yet, i think i will get some ideas from my roomates... flowers? probably too much for a first date. any way, i want to impress her, but im not impressive so i dont know what to do. maybe ill be adventurous. although i hear the Dallas Museum of Art has a Van Goet display that is free on thursday and open later than normal.

god, be the first and the last for it is in you that we live, move, and have our being. may you grant favor while in the pursuit of your will.

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