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Why is LOVE so hard? Why dont the people i like like me, and why dont i like the people who like me? Its bizarre. Its as if there is a evil mastermind throwing people into my life who I will like but they have been zombied to never think of me romantically. Its like an buffet of all sorts, but when you bite into your food you find that its plastic.

I read a quote yesterday. it said, " great love and great achievement involve great risk." I dont know who wrote it, but its so true.

I risked my friendship with a girl the other day. We have been friends for so long. I have always thought she was wonderful. I finally told her, I had to, I could not have lived my life knowing that I did not tell here, always wondering "what if." I dont think she will accept my movement, but we are friends nonetheless. I guess thats all i can really ask for, right? I mean, whats the worst that can happen? She can say no, and we never talk again because I freaked her out. Oh, my. I hope not. I think we will still be good friends, however I dont know if i could ever stop liking her, thats how wonderful she is. Sometimes i feel like this is the story of my love stories. Guy and girl are friends, guy is so attracted to girl, girl only sees him as friend. Guy makes moves to show his interest, and girl doesnt understand the moves in that fashion. Guy finally tells her, she is shocked and doesnt know what to say. Girl says that she only likes him as a friend. Huuuu... deep breaths and sighs. Its not much to ask is it? Everyone wants to be loved. Unfortunately we all have preconceived notions and ideas, even pictures, of what our Prince Charming or Barbie will look like. We get this in our head and we look for it only to simply miss the fact that the persons who are REAL are all around you. Its true you cant just fall in love with any one.

I do wish that it might work out for me with this girl, but I dont think it will. Maybe i dont give myself enough credit, maybe im just a pessimist. I know I'm scared of rejection so maybe im just mentally preparing myself for it.

I just want to love someone. I just want to make that persons life happy. I just want to be the person that the other can go to and know for sure that he will be there to help and comfort. I want to give, I want to love and be loved. I want to feel like a real human.

Its hard living alone. Its not that I actually live alone, I have roomates, but men cannot provide the atmosphere necessary to fulfill another mans needs. I have really close male friends, but I do not want to sleep in the same bed with them. Oh, dear. I know this is for a season. But im scared of being alone. Im scared of living without a someone needing me. I need to be needed.

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