Skip to main content
Why is LOVE so hard? Why dont the people i like like me, and why dont i like the people who like me? Its bizarre. Its as if there is a evil mastermind throwing people into my life who I will like but they have been zombied to never think of me romantically. Its like an buffet of all sorts, but when you bite into your food you find that its plastic.

I read a quote yesterday. it said, " great love and great achievement involve great risk." I dont know who wrote it, but its so true.

I risked my friendship with a girl the other day. We have been friends for so long. I have always thought she was wonderful. I finally told her, I had to, I could not have lived my life knowing that I did not tell here, always wondering "what if." I dont think she will accept my movement, but we are friends nonetheless. I guess thats all i can really ask for, right? I mean, whats the worst that can happen? She can say no, and we never talk again because I freaked her out. Oh, my. I hope not. I think we will still be good friends, however I dont know if i could ever stop liking her, thats how wonderful she is. Sometimes i feel like this is the story of my love stories. Guy and girl are friends, guy is so attracted to girl, girl only sees him as friend. Guy makes moves to show his interest, and girl doesnt understand the moves in that fashion. Guy finally tells her, she is shocked and doesnt know what to say. Girl says that she only likes him as a friend. Huuuu... deep breaths and sighs. Its not much to ask is it? Everyone wants to be loved. Unfortunately we all have preconceived notions and ideas, even pictures, of what our Prince Charming or Barbie will look like. We get this in our head and we look for it only to simply miss the fact that the persons who are REAL are all around you. Its true you cant just fall in love with any one.

I do wish that it might work out for me with this girl, but I dont think it will. Maybe i dont give myself enough credit, maybe im just a pessimist. I know I'm scared of rejection so maybe im just mentally preparing myself for it.

I just want to love someone. I just want to make that persons life happy. I just want to be the person that the other can go to and know for sure that he will be there to help and comfort. I want to give, I want to love and be loved. I want to feel like a real human.

Its hard living alone. Its not that I actually live alone, I have roomates, but men cannot provide the atmosphere necessary to fulfill another mans needs. I have really close male friends, but I do not want to sleep in the same bed with them. Oh, dear. I know this is for a season. But im scared of being alone. Im scared of living without a someone needing me. I need to be needed.

Popular posts from this blog

John Henry Newman sets out to defend the idea of Liberal (when I say "liberal" it is in the sense of a Liberal Arts degree)University for the training of young men. (His book is aimed at men and for the purpose of men... I dont know if the education of women at that time was still frowned upon). Within a series of nine discourses (which he initially delivered at the inaugural year of the University in Ireland)he sets out to defend his picture of what a University education should look like. Newman's arguments are logical and well defended with the arguments building, like a tower is built, upon one another. Each discourse takes up a specific thesis and is defended in the following pages. He first demonstrates that Truth is One, that is composed of one overarching, interrelated matrix. There are many systems of thought that are a play, but nonetheless, all Truth is delicately intertwined so that if you neglect one aspect of the Truth in essence you are unraveling the binds...
Read more

8/15/2016

  Kevin,                                                               At this time I believe it is necessary that I inform you of what is going on internally. As a high school boys soccer coach I learned that you want team captains who are fully dedicated to the team’s success. If they aren’t, the entire team struggles to reach its goals.  While I am part of the FBBC team, I believe I am lacking in this desired leadership quality myself.  After seven full months in my current position, I do not believe my passions are managing money for the church. As a result I do not have internal peace about the longevity of my current position. I believe there are better people for this role. I believe FBBC would be a stronger organization if a person more suited for this role were here. I c...
Read more

Pastor Or Theologian?

I received a facebook message from a long-lost college friend and roommate the other day. In his cordial greeting he noted, and correctly, that I had just graduated with a Masters in Theology. I really appreciated the recognition and congratulations, but what bothered me was his next question. He asked if I was "going to be a Pastor or a Theologian?" I laughed, not because I thought the answer to the question was obvious, but because of the fact that he dichotomized the two disciplines as mutually exclusive. My first reaction was to respond with a smart alec remark about his ignorance and misconstrued views of Christianity and its relationship to education, but then I had to stop and remember that he graduated from the same undergraduate institution which I graduated from, and probably, like me, attended a 'fundy' church growing up. Reminding myself of this context cooled me off a bit and I kindly responded that I would hope someday to do both. Nonetheless, what his ...
Read more