Skip to main content


My God,

I am dry. Thirst weakens the body; memory dims at the struggle for life; eyes grow heavy at the beating of the exhausting sun; hands cannot grasp life as the forsaking power of death steals my grip. I stagger through a weary land, a land abandoned of compassion, a land of deceiving promises; fervent fiery winds hasten my desperation; the rivers once flowing and deep are now desolate and bare, there is no shade, no tree, no green living thing; all have melted; all have sunken deep into the sands of my fraudulence.

Living water, revive my soul that I may return to your merciful land of bounty, into the care of your gracious hand. Grant life into my death through the breath of your moving spirit. In the deserts of self I have wandered long and aimlessly in search of pleasures so futile; only loneliness accompanies my way for I seek my own rather than the kingdom of Christ. In contemptuous pride I have mocked the wisdom of your Word; words that free from the bondage of my own arrogant heart. In the pursuit of endless pleasure, in excesses beyond the will of your loving hand, I have found the vanity of my way; death’s strength steals my care, pillaging my affections for the unbounded justice of Christ’s life-giving sacrifice. I fear my impoverished heart’s beating grows faint at my stumbling; strength, once proud, flees at the consuming heat of the raging mid-day sun. Day upon day, step upon step drains the vigor of a soul once lively, once shroud in the passions of the service of a gentle savior. So lovely is the splendor of his majesty I can only shrivel in shame at the thought of his approaching my discontented way. How have I come so far from the infinite well of living water, from pure springs of heavenly rivers? My mind cannot rest. Thoughts of my dishonor, unthankfulness, and pride contrive; they heavy my already burdened heart; it sinks in sorrow.

Christ you are my way, my truth, my life - you bring our hearts into close communion by your ever-drawing Spirit of Love. Beckon your Spirit to enliven the dying posture of my soul, bring me back to life at your side. I cannot return to you, I have lost my way in the devotion of my self-passion. Restore the life of love that I may partake in your divinity; that I may return to the life of the heavenlies; that I may rejoice in the life of my being; that I may gratefully walk in the land of your daily renewed mercies. Renew the pleasures of everlasting contentment found by your side, for it is only by the wounded side of Christ I find refuge from those devices of my own wicked ways, from the ways of the Deceiver, and from those who would not soon enough see my destruction. Christ, my God, my Holiness - in my foolishness, in my hatred of all righteousness, in my freedom I have chosen the path of broad and narrow, a path of leisure, a path of self; I wandered until you, by your grace, turned my wandering heart to the your rest.

Popular posts from this blog

A response to my beloved mother: part 2

READ THIS POST FIRST MY MOTHER : "I'm a registered Conservative, but my vote counted since they endorsed McCain, so I guess it all depends on who the Libertarian's endorse, and even if it were someone difference, at least you would have had a part in voting for the "most" righteous candidate, and McCain was the one even though he's still not the Christian ideal! Remember, Bill Clinton was a "pro-choice" candidate as well as one who furthered the homosexual agenda, so it wasn't surprising to me that 9/11 happened after his term was up and it's not surprising that the economy is faltering so badly now, and it won't surprise me if Obama continues the downward spiral, even if it is into socialistic policies since that's how Europe has gone since they left off looking to God. It doesn't matter what the rest of the world is doing since the majority have been anti-God for so long and their nations have paid for that for centuries (Dark...
Read more

I don't have all the answers, but I do have two cents.

My friend and fellow recovering ex-fundamentalist , I greet you joyously knowing the freedom you have found in leaving fundamentalism, however I am saddened by your departure as a whole from our Lord. I indeed understand the hardship which you have faced is cause for questioning God’s existence, faithfulness, and love to his creation. I would like to respond to you because I feel like I understand your socio-religious background. Let me first tell you my goal is not to re-convert you, but rather to give you a second thought from one who grew up in similar roots, whose posture of faith remains bent toward the gospel. I also grew up in ultra-conservative fundamentalism. If names like Peter Ruckman, Jack Hyles, Arlin Horton, etc, mean anything to you than you will understand. I graduated from PCC. OMG. I cannot believe it, but it’s true. What a crazy place. Fear, guilt, shame, legalism were the name of the game! As long as you “caught the spirit” all of life would be good and God would b...
Read more

The Intolerance of Presbyterian Creeds

The bind between American political allegiance and Protestant evangelical conservatism is a key which unlocks the door of much early American civil history especially during the antebellum era through the early 20th century. To be conservative and American meant that you must regard a Protestant form of Christianity, namely the revivalistic, moral gospel which declared a morally conservative view of the socio-political system as king. In fact, not to be Protestant and politically conservative was in line with defaming the stars and stripes. Hart describes a situation in the early 20th century where the state of Utah elected and appointed a Mormon Apostle, Reed Smoot, to the U.S. Senate. Smoot underwent serious investigation from a Senate appointed committee to deliberate upon the ability of a Mormon to function in the place of a Senator given his religious views. The conservative Protestant ethos of the age was skeptical of any other religious conviction in its ability to be “American”...
Read more