Skip to main content


My God,

I am dry. Thirst weakens the body; memory dims at the struggle for life; eyes grow heavy at the beating of the exhausting sun; hands cannot grasp life as the forsaking power of death steals my grip. I stagger through a weary land, a land abandoned of compassion, a land of deceiving promises; fervent fiery winds hasten my desperation; the rivers once flowing and deep are now desolate and bare, there is no shade, no tree, no green living thing; all have melted; all have sunken deep into the sands of my fraudulence.

Living water, revive my soul that I may return to your merciful land of bounty, into the care of your gracious hand. Grant life into my death through the breath of your moving spirit. In the deserts of self I have wandered long and aimlessly in search of pleasures so futile; only loneliness accompanies my way for I seek my own rather than the kingdom of Christ. In contemptuous pride I have mocked the wisdom of your Word; words that free from the bondage of my own arrogant heart. In the pursuit of endless pleasure, in excesses beyond the will of your loving hand, I have found the vanity of my way; death’s strength steals my care, pillaging my affections for the unbounded justice of Christ’s life-giving sacrifice. I fear my impoverished heart’s beating grows faint at my stumbling; strength, once proud, flees at the consuming heat of the raging mid-day sun. Day upon day, step upon step drains the vigor of a soul once lively, once shroud in the passions of the service of a gentle savior. So lovely is the splendor of his majesty I can only shrivel in shame at the thought of his approaching my discontented way. How have I come so far from the infinite well of living water, from pure springs of heavenly rivers? My mind cannot rest. Thoughts of my dishonor, unthankfulness, and pride contrive; they heavy my already burdened heart; it sinks in sorrow.

Christ you are my way, my truth, my life - you bring our hearts into close communion by your ever-drawing Spirit of Love. Beckon your Spirit to enliven the dying posture of my soul, bring me back to life at your side. I cannot return to you, I have lost my way in the devotion of my self-passion. Restore the life of love that I may partake in your divinity; that I may return to the life of the heavenlies; that I may rejoice in the life of my being; that I may gratefully walk in the land of your daily renewed mercies. Renew the pleasures of everlasting contentment found by your side, for it is only by the wounded side of Christ I find refuge from those devices of my own wicked ways, from the ways of the Deceiver, and from those who would not soon enough see my destruction. Christ, my God, my Holiness - in my foolishness, in my hatred of all righteousness, in my freedom I have chosen the path of broad and narrow, a path of leisure, a path of self; I wandered until you, by your grace, turned my wandering heart to the your rest.

Popular posts from this blog

go with your gut

I was sitting in a coffee shop on Sunday, and a young lady sat next to me on the sofa. The place was packed and that was the only other seat open. She asked if she could sit and I smiled and nodded. I continued my business, trying to give the impression that it was no big deal that this cute girl just sat next to me. It wasn't a big deal, after all it happens every day. Right... Though it appeared to be the case, that was not the case. For about an hour or so I could not focus on what I was doing. I was constantly thinking about what I will say in order to strike up a conversation, find out her "status", and make a decision whether to ask her out or not. So I sat nervously thinking about what to say. It wasn't that hard, because she was feverishly grading what appeared to be homework, as if she was a teacher. So at a natural transition in my business I asked, "Are you a teacher?" That was that. She was kind and responded as if not to be bothered by my questi
Read more

what is it?

God, Is it proper to approach you first with a heavy heart? Or rather should I come confessing your goodness and love and holiness even if I don't feel like it? When I come with such a desperate heaviness it is hard to confess with my lips what I know to be true of you in my heart. I have read about your every-day-new-mercy, but I have also read your servant David and have seen how you accepted his groanings when he lay on the floor in despair over the heaviness in his soul. From where my heaviness arises I cannot with full confidence say, though I know my sin and its subsequent guilt are ever-present before my eyes. Though I rest in your forgiveness I tremble when I think of my hearts willful disobedience to what is righteous, to what pertains to wholeness. I know my heart and its vileness and evil, I know what hides in the shadows from the eyes of my friends. But here is my despair: that I yearn yet I do not know what for. There is a strange and dark cloud alive over me with a mi
Read more

A trip to The Shack

Andi, the lady who owns the Dunn Brothers coffee shop I daily frequent during the work week, asked me one day a while back if I had ever read The Shack . I hadn’t. She raved over it. My friend Austin consistently slammed, among other things, its cavalier Trinitarian theology, even to the point of alleging heresy. Fact is, I’d heard all the buzz, and had no intentions of reading it. Andi told me it was rock solid and would change my life. Austin told me it is like chaff to the wind. I trust Austin ’s theological astuteness (he’s a fellow Th.M. guy) more than I trust Andi’s. Austin and I think in similar Christian historical and theological paradigms.  Any way, Andi brought it up again a few weeks ago. So as not to raise any issue, I told Andi I would “think about it,” knowing full well I probably wouldn’t. I had visions of John Eldridge’s ridiculous Wild at Heart running through my head. They’re books meant to make you feel good, but in the end they’re bottomless canteens. Th
Read more