Skip to main content


Where did I get my ideas about love from? What is love? Is it a feeling? Is love an action? Is love perfect? Do you "fall in love" or does it "find its way to you?" Will I never have doubts about a lifelong love? If I love a person will I always have intense feelings of passion for that person? Should love be based upon commitment or based upon affection? Why do people say "when you know, you know." What do they mean by that? What is it that they know? Is it just so obvious that you will know with complete certainty, the type of certainty that you get in lab tests? Surely love doesn't come softly, at least it hasn't in my case. Why is love so hard?

I care significantly for a girl. I cared so much for her that I broke up with her. Ya, exactly. I don't understand either. I doesn't seem to make sense, any sense at all. I found a girl who loves deeply, I found girl who demonstrates significant selflessness and loyalty. I found a girl who likes the idea of devoting life to healthy passionate loving. But I let it go. I had a feeling that maybe I didn't like her as much as she liked me. I didn't know if she was "the-girl-I-have-always-dreamed-of." I panicked. But what type of thinking is this but complete nonsense? What is "the-girl-I-have-always-dreamed-of" but a projection of fairy tales and love stories into real life! Why do I think I am worthy of any love of a woman at all? Why do I think I deserve perfection? Perfection will not come. The Fray - "All At Once".

I have never been more confused in my life. I have never felt this pain before. I have never felt this much discomfort until now. My mind has frozen on one thing, and I can't move! I guess its in this pain that we come to grips with reality, with ourselves, and with the world at hand. Sometimes I wonder if I have not gone mad with love. Why have I been plagued with such a confusing and double-minded heart?

Popular posts from this blog

You and Whose Army?

America elects a pro-choice candidate and suddenly my fellow Christian brothers and sisters head for the hills screaming the world has come to an end. Are not abortion rates much higher in several other countries? Why aren't we just as concerned about "life" in those countries? America elects an economically progressive candidate and people are screaming "socialism" preparing for a Rapture. (An mid-1800's invention of conservative Christian theology). Doesn't America know that Democracy is one of the youngest political philosophies to be employed? Why do we think the fate of the world depends on the success of our economical and political philosophies? America is struggling economically, and Jesus is now coming back to rescue his 2000 year old church from this difficult tribulation. Doesn't America remember that its only 232 years old? Why does God's blessing equate with monetary blessing? Why do American Christians constantly tie the end of the ...
Read more

Pastor Or Theologian?

I received a facebook message from a long-lost college friend and roommate the other day. In his cordial greeting he noted, and correctly, that I had just graduated with a Masters in Theology. I really appreciated the recognition and congratulations, but what bothered me was his next question. He asked if I was "going to be a Pastor or a Theologian?" I laughed, not because I thought the answer to the question was obvious, but because of the fact that he dichotomized the two disciplines as mutually exclusive. My first reaction was to respond with a smart alec remark about his ignorance and misconstrued views of Christianity and its relationship to education, but then I had to stop and remember that he graduated from the same undergraduate institution which I graduated from, and probably, like me, attended a 'fundy' church growing up. Reminding myself of this context cooled me off a bit and I kindly responded that I would hope someday to do both. Nonetheless, what his ...
Read more
John Henry Newman sets out to defend the idea of Liberal (when I say "liberal" it is in the sense of a Liberal Arts degree)University for the training of young men. (His book is aimed at men and for the purpose of men... I dont know if the education of women at that time was still frowned upon). Within a series of nine discourses (which he initially delivered at the inaugural year of the University in Ireland)he sets out to defend his picture of what a University education should look like. Newman's arguments are logical and well defended with the arguments building, like a tower is built, upon one another. Each discourse takes up a specific thesis and is defended in the following pages. He first demonstrates that Truth is One, that is composed of one overarching, interrelated matrix. There are many systems of thought that are a play, but nonetheless, all Truth is delicately intertwined so that if you neglect one aspect of the Truth in essence you are unraveling the binds...
Read more