Skip to main content

Fortune Cookie Jesus OR God is my butler and bellman




I love my job, especially working for a “Christian” company. My favorite part of the day is when the mass emails intended to inspire, to lift office moral, and to make you just feel good pop in unexpectedly to my little outlook box! This one came forwarded to me from a co-worker. I couldn’t really tell if this was taken from The Flying Eggroll’s fortune cookies or if Joel Osteen coined the thought… but, realistically either is a likely explanation.

Here’s what it said:

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor. God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close.” (emphasis mine)

Nonetheless, I am reminded every day of the superstitious nature of the average person’s folk-theology.

I don’t know the religious history of the people passing this stuff around, but my co-worker and fellow-minded friend in the faith responded by saying this:

“…too bad many would say that God didn’t catch them…instead he let them fall on their f-ing faces…I have friends who are indeed Christian, yet have been through very difficult times…this kind of crap is despicable to them.

I love the inconsistencies of company policies. We should find some blessing or encouraging promise from the Koran or the Book of Mormon and send it out.”

Popular posts from this blog

You and Whose Army?

America elects a pro-choice candidate and suddenly my fellow Christian brothers and sisters head for the hills screaming the world has come to an end. Are not abortion rates much higher in several other countries? Why aren't we just as concerned about "life" in those countries? America elects an economically progressive candidate and people are screaming "socialism" preparing for a Rapture. (An mid-1800's invention of conservative Christian theology). Doesn't America know that Democracy is one of the youngest political philosophies to be employed? Why do we think the fate of the world depends on the success of our economical and political philosophies? America is struggling economically, and Jesus is now coming back to rescue his 2000 year old church from this difficult tribulation. Doesn't America remember that its only 232 years old? Why does God's blessing equate with monetary blessing? Why do American Christians constantly tie the end of the ...

Pastor Or Theologian?

I received a facebook message from a long-lost college friend and roommate the other day. In his cordial greeting he noted, and correctly, that I had just graduated with a Masters in Theology. I really appreciated the recognition and congratulations, but what bothered me was his next question. He asked if I was "going to be a Pastor or a Theologian?" I laughed, not because I thought the answer to the question was obvious, but because of the fact that he dichotomized the two disciplines as mutually exclusive. My first reaction was to respond with a smart alec remark about his ignorance and misconstrued views of Christianity and its relationship to education, but then I had to stop and remember that he graduated from the same undergraduate institution which I graduated from, and probably, like me, attended a 'fundy' church growing up. Reminding myself of this context cooled me off a bit and I kindly responded that I would hope someday to do both. Nonetheless, what his ...

Three Questions

Q1. If you were to be in ministry 10 years from now (whether you're in ministry now or not) what would you like to be doing and where? Q2. If you could wake up tomorrow with a degree and all the learning that would have gone with it from any seminary which one would you pick and why? Q3. What's your poison: donuts, beer, wine, pizza, chocolate, twinkies, key-lime pie? 1. In my crazy mind I see myself either A) functioning in a ministerial role (non-denominational or denominational?) or B) functioning in an educational administrative role in a Christian School (high school or college?) 2. Truett Seminary (Baylor University) because I would like to study Christian History with D. H. Williams. 3. Djarum Blacks (literally, they're killing me...) I tag: Matt Woodard Patrick Mitchell Ethan Welch Joel Reemstma