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My special purpose

Finding my way through life often provokes a propensity to question the "truth" that I have been given a special purpose or plan. I think we all hold this belief a priori to our thinking about life. We say, "I can't be here for no reason! Surely not!" It's preposterous to think that I am simply the product of two humans filling the desire to copulate and propagate its own species for the sake of survival. No, I am here for a very special purpose!

That I have been given a very special purpose was ingrained into my head from my days as a boy. "God has a very special plan for you, and you don't want to miss out!" This statement, now that I think about it, is more like a military tactic. A tactic of authority to get me line with all the other "good" boys and girls. Because if I do not live like all the other good boys and girls (or men and women for that matter), I will some how forgo the opportunity to participate in that very special plan and then life will have been meaningless, or at least less meaningful.

Somehow I came to believe that God's purpose for me is utterly unique. Maybe its all an invention of my own mind, but it would seem that it is a "purpose" which, if I had not been born, would remain in obscurity for all time. In fact no one on earth has been given the same purpose or plan, and when I die, that plan will have been lived out or missed, depending on my embracing or shunning it. Is it true, let alone realistic? Do I have a "special" purpose? Am I unique? Should I be looking for the "very purpose" for which I was born? Or should I only be living and granting the winds of life to have their way with me? Where did this megalomaniac-like notion of a "special plan" originate? Somehow I presume it to be the invention of a particularly Western narcissistic individualism.

Nonetheless, in the search for life's purpose I am discovering who I am as participating in "humanness", the daily routine of day after day, and in that discovery a challenge presents itself. I am presented with finiteness. This greatness (i.e. special plan) for which I was destined was mal-conceived; for what is greatness but the recognition of another human arranging their experience against the others experience?

Do I believe I am "special and unique?" Sure, but not in the sense which I originally conceived. In this vein, I do not believe I have been given the eternal seeds of heaven which will sprout into greatness if I water it and care for it, but rather I believe that I am "just another human" born into "just another family," and ironically, the uniqueness of my experience is a truth, but the uniqueness of my life's purpose is not a truth. I have been given a place in life, for which I am grateful, but I must live in accordance with the mundanity of life and the necessity to live well under oppressive conditions and disappointed dreams.

I have a choice. Move forward given my newly discovered awareness of finiteness; believe that I am not "special," and comfort myself in the humanness that is "short-comings" and "inabilities", or succumb to the arrogant notion that I am someone "special" with a very special purpose.

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