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nice, nice, nice

There is really no reason for disappointment. Right? I mean, after all, everyone with a bone of care in his body wishes to be considered nice at times. Don't they? Even the villainous of us all concerns himself with what people think of him, even if it is only his loyal mother.

I mean, for instance... tonight some girl backed her Lexus SUV into the glorious front end of my sheik, red 1999 Oldsmobile. She put her car in reverse at a stop sign and gassed the thing! WHAT! Who puts there car in reverse at a stop sign? Beats me, but this girl did (did I mention she was a blonde?). I got out, assessed the damaged, observed. No real harm done, at least nothing to worry about given the immaculate estate of my fine vehicle (sarcasm). I told her not to worry about it. She stood confused, without words. Apparently words are hard for her. I understand, I struggle, too. Whatever sparked in her mind, the only thing that came out was, "Do you want my number?" For what, I don't know, but I assume to contact her in case I actually cared. I said, "No." She said, "Thanks, you're a nice guy" or something like that.

So even I bow my knee to the goddess of niceties. I want to be a nice guy, plain and simple. At least, I want to come across that way to most whom I am unfamiliar with. It helps your status in the world. People think you're nice, so they're nice back. Quid Pro Quo. This for that. Nice for Nice.

There's a lot of talk these days of "nice." "You're a nice guy. He's a nice guy. They're nice guys, those guys, aren't they." It all makes me want to break into song. "Here a nice guy, there a nice guy, everywhere a nice guy... Old MacDonald had a farm, N-I-C-E-O, and on that farm there was a guy, N-I-C-E-O." Ba-badah-ba-ba-dahhh.

The word itself is great, too. The word "nice" can be said by single mouth a thousand times in a day without batting an eye. Heck, I even offer "nice," mostly as an interjection, when I hear some good word or simply need filler so the poor fellow still thinks me interested in the conversation. What a nice word nice is! It rolls off the tongue so easily, so nonchalantly, so smoothly. You can even add various inflections in the one syllable word. It would sound like, n-IYYY-ce. Or maybe even sharply with so much emphasis on the NI that the CE are seemingly without notice. Any way, nice, is nice. It's good to be nice and people like nice people. So be nice, for goodness sake.

So all that said, would someone please tell answer me this, if you can: Why it is that when a girl tells a boy that they no longer desire to continue a relationship they start with, "You're a really nice guy." In my situation, it was more like, "You're a really, really, really nice guy." Gentlemen, the instant a girl begins a dialogue telling you how nice you are know this, there is only not-so-nice on the horizon. You would think only good things could follow those words, but actually you're mistaken. Nothing good follows when a girl tells a guy he is really nice, or great, or awesome, and whatnot. NOTHING good. So, fellows beware. You hear those words, "You're a nice guy" remember that there is a BUT immediately to follow, and that BUT smells a smell so foul that you will begin to understand why it is that being nice stinks so much.

So, I am not disappointed. I am a "nice" guy, so I hear. What can I do? I guess I'll stop being nice. Maybe I'll have better chances. Seems reasonable. After all, the nature of the kind of species I am working with here has a habit of putting their cars in reverse at stop signs. NICE!

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