Relaxing at a kitchen table at a new friends house in Austin, TX, somehow we landed on the topic of love and divorce. I think, more accurately, we were talking about psychological disorders since Danielle is a counseling student and Jordan had questions. Depression came up and other emotional traumas. Danielle expressed the pain divorced cause her as a result of her parents recent split and the depression it threw her betrayed mother into.
Her dad said he didn't love her mom anymore. My uncle and my aunt don't live together any more. I just found out. I guess they experienced the "empty nest" syndrome and realized they were really only together for the kids, but the kids are gone now. Jordan talked about his friends recent drama of infidelity. We all agreed we were capable of the same things. με γενοιτο.
What is Love? Yes, the age old question. We briefly discussed the importance of selflessness in true love. Pure love is unconditional. The problem is humans don't know unconditional. When we're young we're idealists and idealists think they can live on a feeling they carve as the image of love. I know, because I am one, but its fading because I'm getting old. My friends parents were married over twenty years. They married young. They had children young. Life came fast. She made the observation that her dad never had a chance to get to know who he was. He entered marriage "in love," but soon the responsibility of being a husband and then father consumed his marriage that he never had a chance to learn who he was independently during a formative time.
We started talking about the importance of getting to know yourself, especially before you marry. Knowing your failures, your short-comings, your limitations, your gifts, your tendencies, etc. That way neither you nor your spouse are surprised once it comes out that both of you are equally human. Equally capable of wrecking love.
I don't know why, but the forthcoming thought hadn't crossed my mind. The thought that my current life-situation (single) might be a gift, something to fully embrace for its being so pregnant with the opportunity to learn and develop. Typically, in my narcissism, I feel sorry for myself. Often I grapple with God over the presence of my desire and the absence of its fulfillment. Often that conversation goes nowhere.
Whether I wanted to or not, the past fours of my life have revealed more of who I am than the previous twenty - Human. Human. Human. I don't like that because of its inferences. I am capable of the most horrendous acts of evil at any time. In the religiously superior attitude of my upbringing I learned to view my insider Christian humanity against the pagan humanity of the outsiders. I thought I was a different type of human. A human; yes, but a more noble one. That is all breaking down. Why I viewed myself the way I did is a mystery to me. Honestly, I thought of myself as a sort of savior figure, a sort of canonized saint. So often I thought of my life as redemptive. My presence redeems. And so I thought about my future marriage this way. My marriage would be sort of a salvation experience for whoever I would marry. My last name is Grace, after all.
I am no salvation figure, nor does my presence redeem. I am effed up. I am sinful. I am selfish. I hurt others because I care about myself more. Maybe learning these things is of some value. Maybe the value of such self-awareness outweighs the pain felt in the struggle to accept the absence of fulfillment of desire. I don't know, but its a good thought.
Her dad said he didn't love her mom anymore. My uncle and my aunt don't live together any more. I just found out. I guess they experienced the "empty nest" syndrome and realized they were really only together for the kids, but the kids are gone now. Jordan talked about his friends recent drama of infidelity. We all agreed we were capable of the same things. με γενοιτο.
What is Love? Yes, the age old question. We briefly discussed the importance of selflessness in true love. Pure love is unconditional. The problem is humans don't know unconditional. When we're young we're idealists and idealists think they can live on a feeling they carve as the image of love. I know, because I am one, but its fading because I'm getting old. My friends parents were married over twenty years. They married young. They had children young. Life came fast. She made the observation that her dad never had a chance to get to know who he was. He entered marriage "in love," but soon the responsibility of being a husband and then father consumed his marriage that he never had a chance to learn who he was independently during a formative time.
We started talking about the importance of getting to know yourself, especially before you marry. Knowing your failures, your short-comings, your limitations, your gifts, your tendencies, etc. That way neither you nor your spouse are surprised once it comes out that both of you are equally human. Equally capable of wrecking love.
I don't know why, but the forthcoming thought hadn't crossed my mind. The thought that my current life-situation (single) might be a gift, something to fully embrace for its being so pregnant with the opportunity to learn and develop. Typically, in my narcissism, I feel sorry for myself. Often I grapple with God over the presence of my desire and the absence of its fulfillment. Often that conversation goes nowhere.
Whether I wanted to or not, the past fours of my life have revealed more of who I am than the previous twenty - Human. Human. Human. I don't like that because of its inferences. I am capable of the most horrendous acts of evil at any time. In the religiously superior attitude of my upbringing I learned to view my insider Christian humanity against the pagan humanity of the outsiders. I thought I was a different type of human. A human; yes, but a more noble one. That is all breaking down. Why I viewed myself the way I did is a mystery to me. Honestly, I thought of myself as a sort of savior figure, a sort of canonized saint. So often I thought of my life as redemptive. My presence redeems. And so I thought about my future marriage this way. My marriage would be sort of a salvation experience for whoever I would marry. My last name is Grace, after all.
I am no salvation figure, nor does my presence redeem. I am effed up. I am sinful. I am selfish. I hurt others because I care about myself more. Maybe learning these things is of some value. Maybe the value of such self-awareness outweighs the pain felt in the struggle to accept the absence of fulfillment of desire. I don't know, but its a good thought.