Sometimes we need to reflect on where we are and where we have come from and where we are going. I am in desperate need of reflection. I have been given so much information over eight years of education (specifically Christian), yet I have had so little time to stop, process/evaluate, and adjust.
Is there a breaking point? I think there is. There is a point where I have to admit to myself that I cannot grasp, let alone consider, all of the difficulties raised in my encounters with new and continuously evolving knowledge. What is more is that there are a seeming infinite more problems that I will never even encounter for the simple reason of my finiteness!
These four years at Seminary have been an agonizing time of learning, growing, testing, failing, succeeding, hurting, loving, maturing, and just plain old perplexity. I have come so far from where I once was (I refer mostly to my religious loyalties), yet I have reached a point of sincere befuddlement. It seems that my education has raised more questions than it answers and has provided not certain means of stability.
The cycle has gone something like this. I believED X, I then learn that my belief about X is somewhat dissatisfying (it doesn't quite make sense in light of new information), I am then left with a decision about X, but I do not want to make a decision about X because maybe I have not considered some other form of information/knowledge that might shed clearer light on X. The cycle runs on with no end in sight.
For example: I once beleivED in the "rapture." I then learned that my belief about the rapture is somewhat dissatisfying given the new information (lack of support in church history, lack of biblical support, appropriation of a modern rigid method of hermeneutics, insufficient endorsement for the broader Christian community, escapist mentalities, etc.), I am then left to make a decision about the rapture. Either A: the rapture is false OR B: the rapture is true. Rather I choose C: the rapture is a possibility, but not a certainty. I do not want to make a decision regarding the rapture because I have simply not devoted enough time to understanding its propositions, and I fear that I will never be able to devote the time necessary to fully understanding and grasping the complete corpus of issues related to rapture theology. So I am left with only a question mark.
As an aside, this cycle can be repeated concerning several different issues, all of which directly effect the direction of my life. So I have to ask the question, why am I so concerned about "my life." Is "my life" that important? So important that I devote my entire life's energy to understanding "my life" and that's all?
Nonetheless, Given this understanding, that I am finite, that I will never find myself at ease in belief, I must submit to my insufficiency and learn to rely upon the Spirit through the community of faith. This then raises some difficulties for I must decide "which" community of faith(s) is/are valid. I must also take into account that there are several faith communities, the wisdom of which I will never encounter, again, for reasons of finiteness. Where do I begin?
I start with the assumption that The Spirit of God has been at work within his faith community to guide, teach, discipline, and ultimately to advance the Kingdom of God on earth. This assumption cannot go without being evaluated for it is the most significant assumption of the assumptions that I will make. If I start on the wrong path from the first step, then every step following is not only wrong, but taking more steps lends to greater deception. So how do I test that my initial assumption is reasonable, valid, and true? I begin by receiving the truth that God has truthfully revealed himself in His Son the true Word. Christ has promised that the Spirit of God would lead and guide the Apostles and ultimately the community of faith into all truth. Christ promised that the Spirit of God would come along side the believing community and the gates of hell would not prevail against the church.
Given the assumption the God's Spirit would guide the church I must come to submit myself and my finiteness to the doctrines that the community of faith has commonly agreed upon faithfully century after century. Does the fact that God's Spirit is guiding the church mean that the church is without error? No, of course it does not. Men are prone to failure because of corruption, thus I do not entertain the idea that all that is passed on is necessarily orthodoxy or orthopraxy. For this exact reason the Scriptures exist, but the Scriptures do not exist so that I can come to them all by myself with my reason, my intellect, my presuppositions and necessarily interpret them correctly. Rather, I enclose myself within the community of faith, past and present, and of course I do not spurn the assembling of myself together with the community of faith. I am only hands or eyes or ears or feet, I am not the entire body. I must learn to rely on the authority of the community, past and present, and seek its wisdom which, if it finds itself in accordance with Scripture, cannot fail.
When I learn to surround myself with the community of faith which is being guided by the Eternal Spirit of God, and when I receive in faith the truth's taught in Scripture as interpreted by the community of faith, I know that I will receive the light of God's good grace.