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I wanted to explain myself, but I don't know how to express what I think very well, but at last, I must try. It is not my nature to be simple. It is rather my nature to complicate where complication is not needed. So please, forgive me.

First, you had my attention the minute I met you. I am sure I am not the first, nor will I be the last. There is a beauty that is instantly recognizable, though not every one in the same manner. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Nonetheless I found a creation that was indeed beautiful, and instantly I was drawn as moth is to the light.

Second, not all that is beautiful is desirable. How that determination is made, once again, is different for all. What is desirable may not even be beautiful. I have found that, as concerns the affectionate, something/someone that is both beautiful and desirable is a rare joy to behold worth seeking out, and I found that in you, even if the time was short.

Third, there are things in this world that bring us great joy, but they are often two-edged swords because they certainly may offer a pain equal to or even sometimes greater than the joy. Relationships are one of those two-edged swords. I often think of love and relationships like electricity. One may never turn the switch on, and surely they are free from the possibility of being burned, yet they will never experience the possibility of the light's beauty. The one who turns the switch on may be burned, but they may also experience the joy that the light brings. When we turn switches on, switches like love, we instantly place ourselves in harms way. There is no safety in love in a broken world. I know from brief conversations with you and a couple friends that you have been burned, and for that I am deeply sorry. Knowing this about you helps me to understand how to approach you, and I admit that I did not approach you well. Blinded by my wishful and even expectant hopes, I was thinking only of myself and I realize that may have caused some sour feelings. It was an error of ignorance rather than intention, but an error nonetheless.

All of this to say that I have found you to be both beautiful and desirable, yet I also know you have experienced deep pain in relationship and are hesitant to place yourself in a vulnerable situation for a time. I wish to continue getting to know you more. I want to meet you where you are and continue on a path that friends would share where we might simply talk with each other, encourage each other, laugh, and have fun. With this better perspective I can be sensitive to your heart and its need for healing. I have also come to know that I must leave the story open-ended. How all this will look is mystery as it ought to be. Like you said, it should be natural. I think our conversation on Thursday helped me to gain a healthy perspective. My mind clouds easily with rash pursuit when I begin to feel a strong attraction toward a woman and I need something to bring me out of those clouds.

I have written this to you, but I believe, as a sort of processing, I wrote it just as much for myself as I did for you. Having said all of this I hope we can be friends.

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