Artifacts of a Life Once Lived

The coffee at Panera is unbearably bad tonight. It's lukewarm and bitter for whatever reason. Maybe its a sign of the times. Bad market, bad coffee. It's probably a Salmonish way for those rich executives to get back at us. They're thinking, "If your not going to spend as much money at our restaurant, then we're going to serve you bitter coffee! HAHA!" Ya, thanks! Merry Christmas you cheapskates! I guess I could try the other brew's, the hazelnut or the dark roast, but I stick with the light roast. For some strange reason I think "light" means less caffeine, which is clearly a misnomer. It's just a lighter flavor. I can't fall asleep as fast if I drink caffeine past 8. I know what you're thinking. Drink the decaffeinated, then. I can't. There's something inauthentic about drinking decaffeinated coffee that doesn't make the coffee drinking experience as fulfilling. Any way, the light roast will have to do tonight. I left my...

In 2008: Turned 27 years old, and instantly became depressed. Began my fourth year as an employee at Trinity Real Estate Solutions... no comment. Graduated from Seminary with a masters degree, why? Went to Alaska, fell in love with it, and bought a wolf hat. Gambled in the Las Vegas Airport, and loved every minute of it. Honored as a groomsman in two weddings; once as the best man... Dig and Kig! Chased steers in Oklahoma, and lost. Involved in my first car accident, and got paid! Cashed my first Economic Stimulus check, thank you George W. Shaved my head as an act in the acceptance of baldness. Dated my roommates ex-girlfriend, and lived to tell about it. Worked-out consistently for the year, lost 15 pounds of fat. Witnessed the addictive power of Dunnhills, decided it wasn't best. Became a member of the Apple Computer Cult with the purchase of a MacBook, and love it. Volunteered for K-Life and HPPC as a youth leader, and realized I wasn't cut out for youth work. Visited my Al...

My dear friend, First, you are not a horrible friend? Whatever gave you that idea? If anyone here is a "horrible" friend, it is yours truly. I am perhaps the most selfish person I know. I would more readily chose myself over you any day. See, I have never prayed for you. I have never thought to pray for you. I will tell you that I will pray for you (and may very well have), but I haven't. How can I say I care for you and never lift you up to my savior? That is going to change. I struggle everyday to get over myself. I often feel strong guilt over my "internalness". I am cursed with a spirit of internalness. The past few months have been a unending internal battle. I often think that God is silent for no other reason than to be silent, to be unreachable, to be "wholly other." I often think he keeps things from me... things that I deeply desire because I have at some point in the past sinned horrendously against Him. This has led only to a form or spiri...

 

Advent is something new to me. Sadly, the tradition I grew up in selectively ignored church traditions and events which regarded adhering to the liturgical Church calender. Pure religion throws off old stuffy tradition because it wasn't from the heart, or at least that's what I was told. Well, here I am, 27 years of church later and this is the first year that I will consider Advent leading up to Christmas. I was particularly moved by today's reading according to the Revised Common Lectionary out of Psalm 40. Psalm 40:11-13 (TNIV) pierced me deeply, as an arrow through the heart. It reads : 11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD; may your love and faithfulness always protect me. 12 For troubles without number surround me; my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see. They are more than the hairs of my head, and my heart fails within me. 13 Be pleased to save me, LORD; come quickly, LORD, to help me. When I often think of t...

Finding my way through life often provokes a propensity to question the "truth" that I have been given a special purpose or plan. I think we all hold this belief a priori to our thinking about life. We say, "I can't be here for no reason! Surely not!" It's preposterous to think that I am simply the product of two humans filling the desire to copulate and propagate its own species for the sake of survival. No, I am here for a very special purpose! That I have been given a very special purpose was ingrained into my head from my days as a boy. "God has a very special plan for you, and you don't want to miss out!" This statement, now that I think about it, is more like a military tactic. A tactic of authority to get me line with all the other "good" boys and girls. Because if I do not live like all the other good boys and girls (or men and women for that matter), I will some how forgo the opportunity to participate in that very special pl...

 

American religion is by far the most fascinating topic I have come across. Sure politics is interesting (but pointless), technology never ceases to amaze me (how much technology do we really need? LOTS! This very post is built on the backs of thousands of technology slaves!), sporting events consistently have my attention even though I could care less (go Sabres! wait, I have yet to watch a game), but nothing grabs my attention more than the good, bad, and the ugly of American religion, especially Christianity, and more specifically Evangelical Christianity. Broad and sweeping statements never get anybody anywhere. As a matter of fact, life is so complicated and so chaotic that anybody who dares generalize anything at all has forgotten that the color wheel produces thousands of shades and hues. That's why Baptists and Republicans have it all wrong in their logical theories of life's non-complexity! FREE MARKET REIGNS! (Not an over-generalization, in case you were wondering). So...